Can you help me?
Question:
> Hey all, > I am hoping to find as much information as possible on the following: who > and what are the top/leading alternative energy companies in the world and > USA.,and who are the fastest growing in the last 5 years. What companies > are doing the most research and development in alternative forms of energy? > Any info or references regarding these subjects at all would be greatly > appreciated. > Thank you
You may find "Caddet" a useful resource. Search the name Caddet with 2 "Ds" Enjoy
Response:
Hey all, I am hoping to find as much information as possible on the following: who and what are the top/leading alternative energy companies in the world and USA.,and who are the fastest growing in the last 5 years. What companies are doing the most research and development in alternative forms of energy? Any info or references regarding these subjects at all would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Response:
Not sure if I understand what you asking;;;;investor profiles and fundamentals????
> Hey all, > I am hoping to find as much information as possible on the following: who > and what are the top/leading alternative energy companies in the world and > USA.,and who are the fastest growing in the last 5 years. What companies > are doing the most research and development in alternative forms of energy? > Any info or references regarding these subjects at all would be greatly > appreciated. > Thank you
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Response:
>> You could not have prevented it. You may have been able to > delay it somewhat, but you could not have prevented it. > Skinny people get diabetes, perfect weight persons get diabetes, > overweight people get diabetes. It’s not something we "give" > to ourselves. > I disagree with this. There is no guarantee, of course; all kinds of people > do get diabetes, and all kinds of people do not get diabetes. The reality, > though, is that obesity "can" (not "does") induce diabetes, and that > maintaining a normal weight "can" (not "will") prevent diabetes.
Yeah, that’s why you shouldn’t point blame. Your weight MAY have had something to do with the timing, and may not have. The point I’m trying to make is that concentrating on what you may have done is nonproductive, no, counter-productive. > Denial! Denial! Denial! Maybe if I keep those nosy Medicos out > of my body, I will no longer have diabetes. Maybe I never really > had it. The diagnosis was wrong. They misinterpreted the results. > I deleted my message for the sake of brevity, but it said nothing about > denial! I did not suggest that the diabetes would go away, that I was > misdiagnosed, or that I could cease treatment of diabetes. I only said that > I can only carry so much at one time and that I cannot currently bear the > thought of other diseases, disorders, or malfunctions of my body.
I just used the diagnosis of diabetes as an example. Your actual denial was: > No, you cannot do a liver > function test, no you cannot do a kidney function test, no you cannot > retest my lipid profile, no you can’t look into the back of my eyes.
I am not blaming you for your feelings, but you are short-circuiting your medical team. They want to do those tests to avoid complications — to catch things early to treat your whole self. In this situation, you are able to deny the things that have not yet been diagnosed. > Ah, those pesky personal relationships. You’ll need to ignore those > things for a while and concentrate on your feelings about yourself. > Yeah, but it sure is hard to ignore those relationships when I need people the most!
Again: > one who is jealous that I am losing weight and she isn’t, or the one > who is so scared by my fears that he cannot even look me in the eye, > or the one who > yells at me over the single teaspoon of sugar in my single morning cup of > coffee, or the one who cannot cope with being the helper since that’s > been my job for the past 11 years,
*Those* are the things you have to put aside for a while. They are not helping you — they are detrimental. Consider whether they are treating you like a friend, whether they really are your friends. Your Dad is a different story. He gives you strength, support, and love, unconditionally. I’m so sorry that he’s so far away. Be sure to take him into your heart totally — he will provide that support long after he is gone. I know, my Dad passed seven years ago, and he still follows me around, helping me, supporting me, giving me love. He and I are inseparable. That is a treasure that I will never lose. Jude — Crouch Enterprises – Telecom, Internet & Unix Consulting Oak Park, IL 708-848-0134 URL: http://www.pobox.com/~jcrouch
Response:
Thanks Niki. I appreciate the "long" answer! Sherry – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Stands for polycystic ovarian syndrome. It is a condition where eggs do not > mature and are not released from the ovary, rather remaining there as > "cysts". It’s a definite chicken and egg sort of problem. The fact that > the egg is not released causes a deficiency in a hormone that then prevents > the next egg from being released. It is connected with obesity (there is > controversy over whether the disorder causes obesity or is caused by > obesity) and often precedes endocrine problems like hypothyroidism and type > II diabetes. Many women who have PCOS have hyperinsulinemia (excess insulin > in their systems), and there is currently experimental use of metformin to > treat PCOS in women with and without diabetes. My doctor recently suggested > that I remain on metformin to treat this condition even if my blood sugar > stays under control with only diet and exercise. PCOS normally causes > infertility – I have not researched whether that can be successfully > reversed. The only treatment I have had for PCOS is to take Provera if my > periods are not regular. I think it’s most aggressively treated in women > who want to have children. That was a long answer…..sorry! > What’s PCOS? > Sherry > > <snip> > > maintaining a normal weight "can" (not "will") prevent diabetes. I > hadseveral > > risk factors, like obesity, bad nutrition, lack of exercise, > familyhistory, > > and PCOS. I could have chosen to eliminate three of those risk factors, > and I > > did not. (weight loss may also reverse PCOS.) I took agamble and I > lost. > > And even if I had "only" delayed the onset of diabetes, > > <snip>
Response:
What’s PCOS? Sherry – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > <snip> > maintaining a normal weight "can" (not "will") prevent diabetes. I hadseveral > risk factors, like obesity, bad nutrition, lack of exercise, familyhistory, > and PCOS. I could have chosen to eliminate three of those risk factors, and I > did not. (weight loss may also reverse PCOS.) I took agamble and I lost. > And even if I had "only" delayed the onset of diabetes, > <snip>
Response:
Stands for polycystic ovarian syndrome. It is a condition where eggs do not mature and are not released from the ovary, rather remaining there as "cysts". It’s a definite chicken and egg sort of problem. The fact that the egg is not released causes a deficiency in a hormone that then prevents the next egg from being released. It is connected with obesity (there is controversy over whether the disorder causes obesity or is caused by obesity) and often precedes endocrine problems like hypothyroidism and type II diabetes. Many women who have PCOS have hyperinsulinemia (excess insulin in their systems), and there is currently experimental use of metformin to treat PCOS in women with and without diabetes. My doctor recently suggested that I remain on metformin to treat this condition even if my blood sugar stays under control with only diet and exercise. PCOS normally causes infertility – I have not researched whether that can be successfully reversed. The only treatment I have had for PCOS is to take Provera if my periods are not regular. I think it’s most aggressively treated in women who want to have children. That was a long answer…..sorry!
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> What’s PCOS? > Sherry > <snip> > maintaining a normal weight "can" (not "will") prevent diabetes. I hadseveral > risk factors, like obesity, bad nutrition, lack of exercise, familyhistory, > and PCOS. I could have chosen to eliminate three of those risk factors, and I > did not. (weight loss may also reverse PCOS.) I took agamble and I lost. > And even if I had "only" delayed the onset of diabetes, > <snip>
Response:
> You could not have prevented it. You may have been able to > delay it somewhat, but you could not have prevented it. > Skinny people get diabetes, perfect weight persons get diabetes, > overweight people get diabetes. It’s not something we "give" > to ourselves.
I disagree with this. There is no guarantee, of course; all kinds of people do get diabetes, and all kinds of people do not get diabetes. The reality, though, is that obesity "can" (not "does") induce diabetes, and that maintaining a normal weight "can" (not "will") prevent diabetes. I had several risk factors, like obesity, bad nutrition, lack of exercise, family history, and PCOS. I could have chosen to eliminate three of those risk factors, and I did not. (weight loss may also reverse PCOS.) I took a gamble and I lost. And even if I had "only" delayed the onset of diabetes, that would have been a fine alternative, since the likelyhood of complications increases with the length of time one has the diseae. This does not mean that I should continue to beat myself up about it, but it is important to me to accept my share of the responsibility. I also have several risk factors for cardiovascular problems – obesity, lack of exercise, diabetes, high cholersterol, smoking, and borderline hypertension. I can eliminate or vastly reduce the impact of all of those risk factors. If I choose not to do so, and I have a heart attack at 50, well, does that mean I’ve given myself a heart attack? No it doesn’t, but I sure did hold the door open and invite it. > Many of us have gone thru this. You know that this is the real > problem right now. You have to sort things out and make sure > that the *diagnosis* doesn’t kill you. I mean that in the > sense of destroying your life. Right now, the diagnosis is > consuming you. You haven’t accepted the diagnosis yet, and > you are fighting back because you think it’s going to be so > much worse. "It ain’t necessarily so", in the words of the > famous song. In the next paragraph, you clearly know what has > to be done. Yes, your life is going to change. In many ways > it’s going to change for the better.
This is great advice, and I thank you for it. And hopefully I will soon be able to live it… > Here’s a statistic for you… all living things die — 100 percent. > Our goal is a good quality of life, and living a life that makes a > difference. Your church activities, your music, they make a > difference in the lives of others. You have to focus back on them. > Your job — a necessary evil, huh? To remain healthy you must > have the resources! Put the diagnosis in the back of your mind > and concentrate on your life.
For me, it is all about quality of life – not about dying. I have been studying the organ for several years, with the goal of mastering the instrument and becoming a church organist. Learning that I have a disease which is the leading cause of amputations in this country certainly leads me to have fears about the quality of my life. > Denial! Denial! Denial! Maybe if I keep those nosy Medicos out > of my body, I will no longer have diabetes. Maybe I never really > had it. The diagnosis was wrong. They misinterpreted the results.
I deleted my message for the sake of brevity, but it said nothing about denial! I did not suggest that the diabetes would go away, that I was misdiagnosed, or that I could cease treatment of diabetes. I only said that I can only carry so much at one time and that I cannot currently bear the thought of other diseases, disorders, or malfunctions of my body. > ACCEPTANCE. You’ve gone thru the entire cycle now. You’re going to > be much better. You can control your health and I think you will. > That control is going to be your salvation. With good control you > can live a long life with fewer complications. Might you have some > setbacks? sure. If you can get over your current burden, you’ll be > able to handle those setbacks well, too.
You’re right on! > Ah, those pesky personal relationships. You’ll need to ignore those > things for a while and concentrate on your feelings about yourself.
Yeah, but it sure is hard to ignore those relationships when I need people the most! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> If a person takes their diagnosis seriously, their lifestyle changes > will increase their feeling of worth. They start to eat better, > exercise, look better. And they feel better, healthwise and > in relation to their self-image — the satisfation that they have > accomplished something major in their life and taken control, > rather than being controlled. > When you have worked on your person for a while, those around you > will only know the "new you", and these things will be much less > important. Say Hi! to your Dad, give him a big hug, and tell him > you’ll be all right. > (About the sugar. Sugar is a carb, like many other carbs. Carbs > make your blood glucose rise. If you adjust your diet (lifelong > eating plan) to include that spoon of sugar, there is no problem. > And only you are responsible for your diet — tell them to butt > out.)
This is all true and helpful, and I do feel great – I have more energy than I have in ages, and I enjoy the excercise. Like I said, it’s hard because I need my friends and family. Unfortunately, my dad is 3,000 miles away…how I long for that hug!…and with him, it’s a pendulum effect – on the one hand, I want him not to worry and to be strong and help me to cope, on the other, I am so secure in his love, and his worries remind me that my life matters to someone other than me! > Mourn what? The fact that your body cannot use the insulin you > make? Mourn what? The fact that you finally realize that you > are not immortal? You have lost nothing but your innocence.
Mourn a physical health that I no longer have! Yeah, like I said, I am already healthier than I was before I got diabetes, and I will continue to become more healthy, but this is more than mere immortality! It is more than a loss of innocence! Diabetes is a chronic, incurable, potentially fatal disease. It’s not all in my head! > All the best to you, Niki. You are not alone, and we all care > about you. Please keep us in your mind and prayers, and we’ll > do the same. Report back when you are able.
Thanks – you are all in my thoughts and prayers… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Jude > — > Crouch Enterprises – Telecom, Internet & Unix Consulting > Oak Park, IL 708-848-0134 URL: http://www.pobox.com/~jcrouch
Response:
Actually, so far it has responded really well to treatment – since I began testing 2 weeks ago, the range has been fasting 84 – 117 and 2 hours after dinner 102-126. This is a far cry from the 217 when I was diagnosed. The diet and exercise have led to about 15 pound weight loss (currently 5′5", 270) So it’s exciting – seeing such a quick response, and feeling like my body wants to be well if I will only treat it well. I’m just not always confident that it will work is all…despite my MD’s claim that maintaining normal blood glucose levels is almost as good as not having diabetes in the first place. The discipline is not hard to maintain – and I do have an occasional treat – but mostly the good levels are more gratifying than the treats! I read somewhere about making an effort to maintain good nutrition about 80% of the time (I think it was about weight loss not diabetes) – my target is higher than 80% – but I like the concept – 19-20 of 21 meals each week – and it works – so once a week I’ll go out to dinner, and be conscientious, but not as anal as the ret of the time. I struggle constantly between the part of me that wants to see diabetes as a wake up call that is an opportunity for good health (I am already more healthy than before the diagnosis) and the part of me that wants to just retreat and ignore the whole thing…Thanks so much for listening and your good advice!
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Nikki, > You were only diagnosed in April. Keep up the diet and exercise and > give it time. > I was diagnosed in December. At that time I was over 200 all the > time. Yesterday my highest reading was the fasting when I got up in > the morning and that was 121. The readings didn’t come down over > night, they came down gradually. When I started taking glucotrol I > had an initial drop to between 150 and 200. Then it took 2 months of > dieting and exercise before I saw any further improvement. > Be patient with yourself but don’t stop exercising and dieting. Allow > yourself a treat even on a daily bases as long as you fit it into your > diet plan. On special occasions allow yourself a splurge that’s not > in your diet plan, just don’t do that often or over do it too much. > When relatives give you a hard time about what you eat try to explain > that even diabetes can have limited amounts of sugar. If they won’t > understand, ignore them or if your pushy like me I tell them to f*** > off (that everyone understands). > You can avoid complications. The statistics you see were compiled > from years past when diabetes was not treated as aggressively as it is > today. You have a good chance to avoid complications altogether if > you get your BG’s down and keep them down. Just keep up what your > doing and you should see results. > I’m not a fan of taking a lot of meds but if your BG’s don’t drop soon > I would check with the doc about increasing or changing meds. You can > always reduce them later if you need to. > Good Luck > 
Just another DeadHead Computer Nerd
Response:
Hi Nikki, You were only diagnosed in April. Keep up the diet and exercise and give it time. I was diagnosed in December. At that time I was over 200 all the time. Yesterday my highest reading was the fasting when I got up in the morning and that was 121. The readings didn’t come down over night, they came down gradually. When I started taking glucotrol I had an initial drop to between 150 and 200. Then it took 2 months of dieting and exercise before I saw any further improvement. Be patient with yourself but don’t stop exercising and dieting. Allow yourself a treat even on a daily bases as long as you fit it into your diet plan. On special occasions allow yourself a splurge that’s not in your diet plan, just don’t do that often or over do it too much. When relatives give you a hard time about what you eat try to explain that even diabetes can have limited amounts of sugar. If they won’t understand, ignore them or if your pushy like me I tell them to f*** off (that everyone understands). You can avoid complications. The statistics you see were compiled from years past when diabetes was not treated as aggressively as it is today. You have a good chance to avoid complications altogether if you get your BG’s down and keep them down. Just keep up what your doing and you should see results. I’m not a fan of taking a lot of meds but if your BG’s don’t drop soon I would check with the doc about increasing or changing meds. You can always reduce them later if you need to. Good Luck Just another DeadHead Computer Nerd
Response:
> I may bore everyone to tears…if so, please skip over me! It still > makes > me feel better to tell the story and not have to worry about anyone’s > reaction…
If you just wanted to get it off your chest, you would have written it in your diary! I think you wanted to share your pain, but also I think you need some kind words of support and some comfort for some of those things you may misunderstand. > I was just diagnosed type II in April – only three weeks after my beloved > gramma died of kidney failure and heart disease that were secondary to > diabetes. When I look back now, I recall having symptoms for about > 4 months > before the diagnosis (had last been tested in Nov. 97) I was thirsty all > the time, and for the first time in my life, needed to get up at night to > pee, but I thought maybe it was just about getting older – a companion > to my > first gray hair. (I’m 29.) I cannot begin to describe my shock! > I thought > only kids and middle aged people got diabetes!
People of all ages get diabetes. There are some age groups that get it more often, but diabetes has nothing to do with age. > I knew I was at risk, but > not how high the risk was, and I thought I still had plenty of time to > reduce risk factors like diet, weight, and exercise. > I have always tended to live without regret. I have been able to > acknowledge my many mistakes in life, but I have valued them as > opportunities for learning, and don’t punish myself for them. But > this….the years of not taking care of myself…I will regret this > forever, > it seems. I probably could have prevented this, but I chose not to try. > Now I am paying the price for it…with only time to tell just how > high the price will be.
You could not have prevented it. You may have been able to delay it somewhat, but you could not have prevented it. Skinny people get diabetes, perfect weight persons get diabetes, overweight people get diabetes. It’s not something we "give" to ourselves. > Six weeks ago I was so happy – I loved everything about > my > life, I gave thanks every day for the many gifts that I had been given. > Today I am afraid that I will lose everything. I have never been so > lacking > in resilience! I keep waiting to spring back, but I don’t. I am > screwing > up at work, my church commitments, the choirs in which I sing, my organ > playing…all of things that make me value my life so much. The > emotional > toll is so tremendous.
Many of us have gone thru this. You know that this is the real problem right now. You have to sort things out and make sure that the *diagnosis* doesn’t kill you. I mean that in the sense of destroying your life. Right now, the diagnosis is consuming you. You haven’t accepted the diagnosis yet, and you are fighting back because you think it’s going to be so much worse. "It ain’t necessarily so", in the words of the famous song. In the next paragraph, you clearly know what has to be done. Yes, your life is going to change. In many ways it’s going to change for the better. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I have these moments when I am grateful for this diagnosis. I did > not have > the self discipline before to control my weight, my food intake, to > develop > an exercise routine…but after the diagnosis, everything changed. > My diet > is totally under my control – for the first time in my life I identify > and > respond to physiological hunger rather than emotional hunger. I ride a > stationary bike for a half hour every day…and none of it seems to take > willpower or self discipline. It just happens. The new choices, like > the > old, are made at a psychic level that is beyond my reach. So sometimes I > view diabetes as a wake up call – an opportunity for health and personal > growth. But other times….I can’t take it. I still take care of > myself – > as I said, I do not seem to have control over the decisions – even the > good > ones! – but I ride that bike while viewing myself in my mind’s eye – 35 > years old, blind, footless, hooked up to a dialysis machine having a > heart > attack. The statistics spin endlessly in my mind – 80% of all diabetics > die > because of cardiovascular problems…complications can be prevented or > delayed…That’s not good enough. Knowing how well I have responded to > treatment is not good enough. Prevent or delay is not good enough. > I want > total prevention. I want to know that it is not too late for me to > make up > for the years of wrong choices. I can’t hear anymore about it.
Here’s a statistic for you… all living things die — 100 percent. Our goal is a good quality of life, and living a life that makes a difference. Your church activities, your music, they make a difference in the lives of others. You have to focus back on them. Your job — a necessary evil, huh? To remain healthy you must have the resources! Put the diagnosis in the back of your mind and concentrate on your life. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Last week I walked out of a doctor’s appointment, refusing to give > a blood > sample, because I do not want to hear about one more f***ing thing that > is > wrong with me. I went home and canceled the appointment with the > ophthalmologist because I cannot hear anymore. The 217 fasting glucose > was > enough. And the 276 cholesterol was enough. And the 1093 triglycerides > was > enough. And the 144/94 blood pressure was enough. Diabetes is enough. > One > drug is enough. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is enough (thank god I have > never > wanted to have children!) SYNDROME X IS ENOUGH. I don’t want to hear > another word. I can’t hear another word. I have been seeing my current > doctor for six years, and she has been great (although I am angry that in > six years she never recommended that I lose weight until last week) She > listens, she doesn’t rush, she returns my calls and will listen to me > panic > for an hour in the middle of her day. She tells me that if she did not > think that I could be healthy, she would not come to work every day. > But she doesn’t get it – I can’t take anymore. No, you cannot do a liver > function test, no you cannot do a kidney function test, no you cannot > retest > my lipid profile, no you can’t look into the back of my eyes.
Denial! Denial! Denial! Maybe if I keep those nosy Medicos out of my body, I will no longer have diabetes. Maybe I never really had it. The diagnosis was wrong. They misinterpreted the results. > Today I have > diabetes. I can control my diet and I can take a drug and I can exercise > every day. Let me see that work. Let me process all of this. Let me > feel like I can keep control of the rest of my life.
ACCEPTANCE. You’ve gone thru the entire cycle now. You’re going to be much better. You can control your health and I think you will. That control is going to be your salvation. With good control you can live a long life with fewer complications. Might you have some setbacks? sure. If you can get over your current burden, you’ll be able to handle those setbacks well, too. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Let me deal with the three people waiting in line at my office to tell me > that I am not responding quickly enough to their concerns, because it is > my work that makes me feel like my life has a purpose. > Let me negotiate with my choir director who recently suggested that > I drop > out since I cannot seem to focus, because it is the choir that brings > me joy > and takes me away from the things, like my illness, that I am most > afraid of and distressed by. > Let me figure out my relationships with my friends and family, like the > one who is jealous that I am losing weight and she isn’t, or the one > who is so scared by my fears that he cannot even look me in the eye, > or the one who > yells at me over the single teaspoon of sugar in my single morning cup of > coffee, or the one who cannot cope with being the helper since that’s > been > my job for the past 11 years, or my dad who cannot cope with his own > anxiety > about my illness because he loves me so, because without my friends and > family, I will not be able to get through this.
Ah, those pesky personal relationships. You’ll need to ignore those things for a while and concentrate on your feelings about yourself. If a person takes their diagnosis seriously, their lifestyle changes will increase their feeling of worth. They start to eat better, exercise, look better. And they feel better, healthwise and in relation to their self-image — the satisfation that they have accomplished something major in their life and taken control, rather than being controlled. When you have worked on your person for a while, those around you will only know the "new you", and these things will be much less important. Say Hi! to your Dad, give him a big hug, and tell him you’ll be all right. (About the sugar. Sugar is a carb, like many other carbs. Carbs make your blood glucose rise. If you adjust your diet (lifelong eating plan) to include that spoon of sugar, there is no problem. And only you are responsible for your diet — tell them to butt out.) > Let me mourn what I have lost, because without such mourning I will > not be able to move ahead and take care of myself.
Mourn what? The fact that your body cannot use the insulin you make? Mourn what? The fact that you finally realize that you are not immortal? You have lost nothing but your innocence. All the best to you, Niki. You are not alone, and we all care about you. Please keep us in your mind and prayers, and we’ll do the same. Report back when you are able. Jude — Crouch Enterprises – Telecom, Internet & Unix Consulting Oak Park, IL 708-848-0134 URL: http://www.pobox.com/~jcrouch
Response:
I may bore everyone to tears…if so, please skip over me! It still makes me feel better to tell the story and not have to worry about anyone’s reaction… I was just diagnosed type II in April – only three weeks after my beloved gramma died of kidney failure and heart disease that were secondary to diabetes. When I look back now, I recall having symptoms for about 4 months before the diagnosis (had last been tested in Nov. 97) I was thirsty all the time, and for the first time in my life, needed to get up at night to pee, but I thought maybe it was just about getting older – a companion to my first gray hair. (I’m 29.) I cannot begin to describe my shock! I thought only kids and middle aged people got diabetes! I knew I was at risk, but not how high the risk was, and I thought I still had plenty of time to reduce risk factors like diet, weight, and exercise. I have always tended to live without regret. I have been able to acknowledge my many mistakes in life, but I have valued them as opportunities for learning, and don’t punish myself for them. But this….the years of not taking care of myself…I will regret this forever, it seems. I probably could have prevented this, but I chose not to try. Now I am paying the price for it…with only time to tell just how high the price will be. Six weeks ago I was so happy – I loved everything about my life, I gave thanks every day for the many gifts that I had been given. Today I am afraid that I will lose everything. I have never been so lacking in resilience! I keep waiting to spring back, but I don’t. I am screwing up at work, my church commitments, the choirs in which I sing, my organ playing…all of things that make me value my life so much. The emotional toll is so tremendous. I have these moments when I am grateful for this diagnosis. I did not have the self discipline before to control my weight, my food intake, to develop an exercise routine…but after the diagnosis, everything changed. My diet is totally under my control – for the first time in my life I identify and respond to physiological hunger rather than emotional hunger. I ride a stationary bike for a half hour every day…and none of it seems to take willpower or self discipline. It just happens. The new choices, like the old, are made at a psychic level that is beyond my reach. So sometimes I view diabetes as a wake up call – an opportunity for health and personal growth. But other times….I can’t take it. I still take care of myself – as I said, I do not seem to have control over the decisions – even the good ones! – but I ride that bike while viewing myself in my mind’s eye – 35 years old, blind, footless, hooked up to a dialysis machine having a heart attack. The statistics spin endlessly in my mind – 80% of all diabetics die because of cardiovascular problems…complications can be prevented or delayed…That’s not good enough. Knowing how well I have responded to treatment is not good enough. Prevent or delay is not good enough. I want total prevention. I want to know that it is not too late for me to make up for the years of wrong choices. I can’t hear anymore about it. Last week I walked out of a doctor’s appointment, refusing to give a blood sample, because I do not want to hear about one more f***ing thing that is wrong with me. I went home and canceled the appointment with the ophthalmologist because I cannot hear anymore. The 217 fasting glucose was enough. And the 276 cholesterol was enough. And the 1093 triglycerides was enough. And the 144/94 blood pressure was enough. Diabetes is enough. One drug is enough. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is enough (thank god I have never wanted to have children!) SYNDROME X IS ENOUGH. I don’t want to hear another word. I can’t hear another word. I have been seeing my current doctor for six years, and she has been great (although I am angry that in six years she never recommended that I lose weight until last week) She listens, she doesn’t rush, she returns my calls and will listen to me panic for an hour in the middle of her day. She tells me that if she did not think that I could be healthy, she would not come to work every day. But she doesn’t get it – I can’t take anymore. No, you cannot do a liver function test, no you cannot do a kidney function test, no you cannot retest my lipid profile, no you can’t look into the back of my eyes. Today I have diabetes. I can control my diet and I can take a drug and I can exercise every day. Let me see that work. Let me process all of this. Let me feel like I can keep control of the rest of my life. Let me deal with the three people waiting in line at my office to tell me that I am not responding quickly enough to their concerns, because it is my work that makes me feel like my life has a purpose. Let me negotiate with my choir director who recently suggested that I drop out since I cannot seem to focus, because it is the choir that brings me joy and takes me away from the things, like my illness, that I am most afraid of and distressed by. Let me figure out my relationships with my friends and family, like the one who is jealous that I am losing weight and she isn’t, or the one who is so scared by my fears that he cannot even look me in the eye, or the one who yells at me over the single teaspoon of sugar in my single morning cup of coffee, or the one who cannot cope with being the helper since that’s been my job for the past 11 years, or my dad who cannot cope with his own anxiety about my illness because he loves me so, because without my friends and family, I will not be able to get through this. Let me mourn what I have lost, because without such mourning I will not be able to move ahead and take care of myself. Let me rest a while and be still and know my God, because without Him I will forget that I am cared for throughout eternity and that this life and its perils are only a moment.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Ann, > Not as exciting as the last but here’s some rambling….. > I am 34 and was diagnosed diabetic ( type2) just last year after my wife had > had enough of my classic symptoms – that I was unaware of at the time. > However, I wouldn’t leave the house without a 2litre bottle of water with me > > I had my first clinic appointment on the day my daughter was born. > Stressful day- yes! > Obvious extra things I didn’t realise: Eyesight – my eyesight is now crap. > My glasses are not right for me any more – and I hope this things settles. > Even though my control is pretty good, if I get very low ( sometimes 3.7 > mmols/l – not a hypo with Metformin???) I feel light headed and tired – > didn’t expect this with type 2 diabetes. If I get very high ( 12mmols/l – > rarely these days) I feel quick tempered thirsty and hot ( and tired). So > glad i’m not on insulin! > My problem is that I’m overweight by about 5 stones. I managed to give up > my heavy smoking habit – but losing a few stones ( even one) is sooo hard. > The worst part of it is that I feel so guilty at not losing any weight > between visits to the clinic – I don’t want to go anymore! If my wife > didn’t push me – I wouldn’t go. > My control has got better – diet obviously wasn’t working – although my > "diet" has greatly improved. No obvious sugary things, cut all of my treats > ( chocolate etc) but portion sizes – still too big. Doctor has put me on > Metformin and apart from the mild stomach probs ( wind etc) things are much > better. My control is now practically always below 8 mmols / l – which is > near the optimum 6 mmols/l. > I’ve managed to cope with my beautiful baby girl ( 9 months old now), my > final year of a BSc. in Computer Science and hope to be starting a PhD. this > year. he University have been neither supportive nor non-supportive > although I have discovered quite a few other diabetics of both types since I > was diagnosed. Should have organised a "university support society" for > diabetic students. If I am here next year I probably will! > Advice to give?? Learn about your "illness" and be able to make educated > informed decisions about your long term care. We have a Doctor Hillson at > my hospital diabetes clinic who is a very pleasant woman – always prepared > to listen and advise. Ask lots of questions and learn what to expect. > Diabetes doesn’t seem to be the end of the world – unless i’m not taking it > seriously enough – and I might not be. > Of course the consequences of not taking it seriously seem too scary to > Martin Boulger > Hello, > My name is Ann Silverman. I am a registered nurse and I am > new to the Internet. I am a trained diabetic educator who is in > the process of writing a book tentatively titled "The > Psychological & Spiritual Aspects of Living with a Chronic > Disease". > I am a Type 2 insulin dependent diabetic who is now > suffering from eye complications. I am seeking the words of those > who wish to offer help to others via their thoughts, feelings, > and stories about living with diabetes. Please include what is > helpful to you and what you would like to see become available in > the way of support. Have you experienced prejudice in the > workplace? What do you use to cope? What form of support do you > find most beneficial? > My main focus will be to share what I have learned about > diabetes as well as the physical and emotional trauma experienced > while living with this disease. > If you wish to remain anonymous as it pertains to this book, > please indicate so in your reply. I am really looking forward to > hearing from those who have something to share.even if it’s a > simple anecdote. > Thanks to
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Response:
Hi Ann, Not as exciting as the last but here’s some rambling….. I am 34 and was diagnosed diabetic ( type2) just last year after my wife had had enough of my classic symptoms – that I was unaware of at the time. However, I wouldn’t leave the house without a 2litre bottle of water with me I had my first clinic appointment on the day my daughter was born. Stressful day- yes! Obvious extra things I didn’t realise: Eyesight – my eyesight is now crap. My glasses are not right for me any more – and I hope this things settles. Even though my control is pretty good, if I get very low ( sometimes 3.7 mmols/l – not a hypo with Metformin???) I feel light headed and tired – didn’t expect this with type 2 diabetes. If I get very high ( 12mmols/l – rarely these days) I feel quick tempered thirsty and hot ( and tired). So glad i’m not on insulin! My problem is that I’m overweight by about 5 stones. I managed to give up my heavy smoking habit – but losing a few stones ( even one) is sooo hard. The worst part of it is that I feel so guilty at not losing any weight between visits to the clinic – I don’t want to go anymore! If my wife didn’t push me – I wouldn’t go. My control has got better – diet obviously wasn’t working – although my "diet" has greatly improved. No obvious sugary things, cut all of my treats ( chocolate etc) but portion sizes – still too big. Doctor has put me on Metformin and apart from the mild stomach probs ( wind etc) things are much better. My control is now practically always below 8 mmols / l – which is near the optimum 6 mmols/l. I’ve managed to cope with my beautiful baby girl ( 9 months old now), my final year of a BSc. in Computer Science and hope to be starting a PhD. this year. he University have been neither supportive nor non-supportive although I have discovered quite a few other diabetics of both types since I was diagnosed. Should have organised a "university support society" for diabetic students. If I am here next year I probably will! Advice to give?? Learn about your "illness" and be able to make educated informed decisions about your long term care. We have a Doctor Hillson at my hospital diabetes clinic who is a very pleasant woman – always prepared to listen and advise. Ask lots of questions and learn what to expect. Diabetes doesn’t seem to be the end of the world – unless i’m not taking it seriously enough – and I might not be. Of course the consequences of not taking it seriously seem too scary to Martin Boulger
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hello, > My name is Ann Silverman. I am a registered nurse and I am > new to the Internet. I am a trained diabetic educator who is in > the process of writing a book tentatively titled "The > Psychological & Spiritual Aspects of Living with a Chronic > Disease". > I am a Type 2 insulin dependent diabetic who is now > suffering from eye complications. I am seeking the words of those > who wish to offer help to others via their thoughts, feelings, > and stories about living with diabetes. Please include what is > helpful to you and what you would like to see become available in > the way of support. Have you experienced prejudice in the > workplace? What do you use to cope? What form of support do you > find most beneficial? > My main focus will be to share what I have learned about > diabetes as well as the physical and emotional trauma experienced > while living with this disease. > If you wish to remain anonymous as it pertains to this book, > please indicate so in your reply. I am really looking forward to > hearing from those who have something to share.even if it’s a > simple anecdote. > Thanks to all in advance, > Ann Silverman > Toronto, Canada. > PS.I am cross posting this message to the few newsgroups and > mailing lists I feel will be helpful. Please understand.
Response:
Hello, My name is Ann Silverman. I am a registered nurse and I am new to the Internet. I am a trained diabetic educator who is in the process of writing a book tentatively titled
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